Abigail Adams: Remember the Ladies

Abigail Adams is sometimes considered an early feminist for her 'Remember the Ladies' letter to her husband, John Adams. But what did Abigail really have in mind when she wrote these words? To determine this, we must step outside our 21st century mindset and enter her 18th century world.

In Liberty's Daughters, Mary Beth Norton states, "No systematic defense of the broad dimensions of the female role was formulated, since no one challenged the dominant assumption that a woman's destiny was sealed at birth, determined by her sex in a way that a man's fate was not. Females would marry, have children, and direct the work of households: these propositions were so generally accepted they were usually left unstated." Women were not forced into their position solely by men, but by each other. Women expected other women to "be just what a Woman ought to be - sensible - polite - tender - & sympathizes in the distresses of her friends," as Nancy Shippen Livingston wrote. Another young lady insisted, "I would not intentionally deviate from the laws of female delicacy and propriety."

Let's get back to Abigail Adams. She is considered outspoken, but we only think this because she was forced to correspond by letter during years of separation from her husband. In fact, Abigail refused during her lifetime to publish her letters and requested they be burned (as was common at the time), considering them private thoughts rather than public calls to action. As for remembering the ladies, Abigail's plea was for protection rather than equality in a modern sense.

Abigail's 31 March 1776 letter reprimands her husband for not writing more, expresses fear about the outbreak of smallpox, doubts that Southerners' passion for liberty is as strong as those in the north, and wonders how the state of the country will impact spring plantings. Then she states, 'I long to hear that you have declared an independancy - and by the way in the new Code of Laws which I suppose it will be necessary for you to make I desire you would Remember the Ladies, and be more generous and favourable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of Husbands. Remember all Men would be tyrants if they could.' (Abigail's spelling and punctuation have been retained)

Abigail is referring to the legal dependence of 18th century women on their husbands. She strongly believed in Biblical commands for marriage. 'Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord....Husbands, love our wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.' (Ephesians 5:22,25) This worked for John and Abigail. They loved each other and were devoted to one another. Of course, not all husbands held up their end of this bargain, and women of Abigail's era were trapped in abusive, neglectful relationships without legal recourse. Abigail believed the creation of new laws should change this, giving women attached to such men legal protection.

Not only poorly treated wives suffered under the legal system then in place. Widows were often forced to remarry in order to avoid poverty for themselves and their children. Even those who were well off might have little of their own, as their husband's estate would be split between them and their children. The dower portion might not be enough for the widow to live on. The estate might be managed by the widow until the children came of age and claimed their share, but that was a temporary situation. Widows did typically have more options than single women. If they could afford not to remarry, they might open a shop or take on boarders if they had not been left with an estate sufficient to support them.

Abigail's letter continues, 'If perticuliar care and attention is not paid to the Laidies we are determined to forment a Rebelion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any Laws in which we have no voice, or Representation,' in an echo of her male revolutionary counterparts. She softens this threat of rebellion, adding, 'That your Sex are Naturally Tyrannical is Truth so thoroughly established as to admit of no dispute, but such of you as wish to be happy willingly give up the harsh title of Master for the more tender and endearing one of Friend. Why then, not put it out of the power of the vicious and the Lawless to use us with cruelty and indignity with impunity. Men of Sense in all Ages abhor those customs which treat us only as the vassals of your Sex. Regard us then as Beings placed by providence under your protection and in immitation of the Supreem Being make use of that power only for our happiness.'

I find Abigail Adams inspiring. She was home with her 'flock of little ones' while John served their country. She learned to do things she never expected to have to do - and managed it all with a war raging so close that 'the constant roar of the cannon is so distressing that we can not Eat, Drink or Sleep.' John had instructed her to 'fly to the Woods with our Children' should the battle reach their doorstep. And all this long before either had any idea how far things would go or how long it would last. She was fiery, brave, and devoted to both her family and her country. As Abigail insists, 'Remember the Ladies,' indeed, but remember what Abigail was saying, not just what we would like to hear.

An excerpt from Women of the American Revolution:

"Abigail Adams was a renowned letter writer, making her one of the most studied and admired of the women of the American Revolution. As her husband once observed, ‘My wife must write!’ Abigail wrote to her sister, Mary Cranch, ‘My letters to you are first thoughts without corrections.’ Her writing, therefore, gives historians an unpolished and honest look at the life of women of this era. It is also a genuine record of Abigail’s personality and character, which would be impossible to obtain through any other source.

Two centuries of historians have attempted to paint different pictures of Abigail Adams, and the one thing that is often agreed upon is that Abigail is a character full of contradictions. Portrayals of her as a politician or feminist fail to understand Abigail’s own mindset and acceptance of the role she played in her own society. Her priorities were the management of her home and proper raising of her children, and, though she enjoyed discussing politics especially with her highly political husband, she would not have described herself as a political activist. In her own words, ‘I believe nature has assigned to each sex its particular duties and sphere of action, and to act well your part, “there all the honor lies.”’ Abigail insisted, ‘However brilliant a woman’s tallents may be, she ought never to shine at the expence of her Husband.’ While Abigail had called upon John to ‘Remember the Ladies,’ she also wrote to him, ‘Regard us then as Beings placed by providence under your protection and in immitation of the Supreem Being make use of that power only for our happiness.’ A reading of their letters also reveals that while John and Abigail came to their political opinions while apart, they often arrived at the same conclusions.

Neither was Abigail a submissive, angelic wife. Her letters, which she never intended for publication, reveal a woman with opinions and complaints about daily life and even her famous spouse. On the other hand, reflecting on marriage to John, Abigail wrote, ‘After half a century, I can say. My choice would be the same if I again had youth and opportunity to make it.’ "

Read more about Abigail Adams in Women of the American Revolution!